How do IKeep on livingWhen I know the things that I know? Forsaken by God at the age of threeI have so little hope left in meTo be cured of this sinSoaked through my skinBy the hands of my MotherBy the hands of my own God. You have forsaken me.
Maybe One Year
When you come from a toxic family,You realize how painful the Holidays can be.How isolating they can feel.It dawned on me the other daythat I can't even say helloTo my newborn nieceWho is, I'm sure, a beautiful child,Nor can I call my motherTo wish her Happy Holidays.No cards to mail.No gifts to send. Physically? Yes … Continue reading Maybe One Year
My distractions become my curseAs I hurdle over life's burdens,Stumbles,And falls. I bury myself under layers ofComfort,Sin,Self pity,And remorseAll the while hating myself,Not healing myself,Not holding myselfTo a Higher Standard of Love. My distractions become my cure Once I see things for how they really are,Like admitting how my distractions Bury me deeper from my … Continue reading Distractions, Distractions
I Am Good Enough (Healing from PTSD)
I'm waiting For the fight.The screamingThe slamming The crash against the wall..But he doesn't. He doesn't yell.He doesn't scream.He doesn't shout.He only loves me.I wake up To him pissed off,And I clench in fear. Waiting..Waiting..For something worseBut he only gives me that lookLike I should have known better,And I did.I am an adult. But where's … Continue reading I Am Good Enough (Healing from PTSD)
What It’s Like Being Raped
While I was sitting there on the phone trying to set up a therapy appointment after calling various organizations, I had a sudden realization. I have been avoiding this.. this confrontation with myself. Cuddled up in my pajamas watching old anime shows. I'm just distracting myself from the pain and panic that occured yesterday. I … Continue reading What It’s Like Being Raped
Stalking, Creeping, Watching Through the Night. This is what My Mother does to Me. Preying, Hunting, Fixating Her Claws. This is what My Mother does to Me. Finding, Searching, Unyielding to Truth, Destructive, Damning, Harmful to All. This is what My Mother Is. For many years I was afraid To Tell Her the Truth, Too … Continue reading Mothers
Real Shit (Not for the Faint of Heart).
I created this blog for all my ramblings, which I do a lot of. My past is brutal and terrifying to most people. Well, I managed to find a partner who knew this abuse and could recognize the fear, and he has helped me face my past with eyes unclouded by my fear. He has … Continue reading Real Shit (Not for the Faint of Heart).