I’m Not There Anymore

The crushing weight of terror,The quickly heaving chest,The bitter tears,The endless rage,The lack of control,The lack of function,The inability to love myself fully,The confusion of my yelling,The triggered trauma,The past abuse,The sorrow inside me,The suffocating truth. I am not there anymore. As I sit at the windowWatching the rain drip down from the roof,I know … Continue reading I’m Not There Anymore →

Untitled

Often times we find ourselves in the grip of a love we can only savor, and never truly touch. It's the type of love that romance novels and movies are based off of. The type that has you on the edge of your seat in anticipation, clinging to a semi-used tissue. The reality is, this … Continue reading Untitled →

An Ode to Nudity

Why must I wear pants outside my door? Will I ever be able to be comfortable in clothes? When will we stop sexualizing the body so I can get my mail in my panties? One of these days, I say, we will stand up and agree. Hiking is better nakedUnless you see horseflies or wasps. … Continue reading An Ode to Nudity →

I Am Here

I often forget that I am here in this present moment. I know it sounds odd, but it's true. I get caught up in my thoughts, my plans, my worries, and I lose sight if where I am. I am here in this body of flesh and bones. I am feeling hundreds of thousands of … Continue reading I Am Here →

Stretching the Soul

I've heard it a thousand times from various macho manly men that they never stretch. Good GODS I would perish! I could never not stretch, ya know? I know there's those stretchers and yoga doers out there, so this post is for y'all! There's two different types of stretching I do: The "I'm just stretching … Continue reading Stretching the Soul →

Lack of Gumption

It dawned on me while I was driving today that our society in the United States has a massive lack of gumption. Why you ask? Well, let's define the word first. According to the Cambridge Dictionary, gumption means "the ability to decide what is the best thing to do in a particular situation, and to do it with energy and determination." Simply put, Merriam-Webster calls it … Continue reading Lack of Gumption →

Decisions

Sometimes it's easier to ignore what it is you want. You make plans to go down a path, or paths, that aren't entirely perfect. They have some promises of success, but your soul isn't sold. You aren't pushing with all your might to make these plans happen, because like myself, you feel a lack. You … Continue reading Decisions →

“An Unexpected Staycation”

I stand there staring into the screen of my brightly lit phone, much too bright for 5:30 in the morning. "Today is a no go," I send to my boss after arguing about being overworked the day before. "Wow, am I tired." I think to myself. I need a day of rest.. just one. Well, … Continue reading “An Unexpected Staycation” →

So F*cking Tired

You're so busy fighting yourself that you don't realize how tired you feel. You fight your boss, your partner, your kids. You fight the weather, you fight the traffic. You fight everything and anything because you're fighting yourself. You're so busy fighting that you don't notice this chronic fatigue. Then, it hits you. You are … Continue reading So F*cking Tired →

Failing Myself

When you spend most of your life suffering, or believing you need to suffer.. sometimes you don't recognize the good things that you have. I spent more than two decades being thrashed through the turmoil. I saw the chaos of man and the darkest crevices of humanity's mind. You know what? It was terrible. It … Continue reading Failing Myself →