Distractions, Distractions

My distractions become my curse
As I hurdle over life's burdens,
And falls.
I bury myself under layers of
Self pity,
And remorse
All the while hating myself,
Not healing myself,
Not holding myself
To a Higher Standard of Love.

My distractions become my cure
Once I see things for how they really are,
Like admitting how my distractions
Bury me deeper from my pain
While piling on more shame.
Isn't shame a part of vulnerability?
To feel shame means to feel an impact
Of closeness to one's self,
Even if we don't like it.
It means we are moving forward
Progressing towards an end goal.

What goal could that be?
Loving myself
Through the hurt.
Loving myself
Through the pain.
Loving myself
Through the distractions
And knowing that everything will be alright
Even if it isn't
Right now.
Even if it isn't
For months to come,
The healing will come when the healing heals,
Or as I should say...
When WE let the healing heal.

All I can do is sit here and cry
While my hands curl up
And my heart sinks further
Deeper into myself.

These wounds are too deep
To heal alone
And that's okay
To not feel okay
To not feel wanted
Or loved
Because the love will come
Since it's already here
Being shared between you and I,
I and myself,
Me and my layers and levels of years of pain.

None of that matters
When I stand up straight
And stare the sun in the face
As I climb over these mountains
And experience my victories.

None of that matters
Because I am here now
And I am me
In every sense of myself.

I am the me from years ago,
The crying child,
The angry daughter,
The distraught youth.
I am me in all the me's that have come,
And all the me's that will go.
I am my own Lover,
My own Savior,
My own Friend
Because I love me through all the distractions,
Through all the pain
Even all the years when I hated myself.
I have always loved me.

Through the layers of hate,
Through the layers of pain,
I always protected me.
I always fed me.
I always bathed me.
Even if it took one too many days.
I still

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s