Often times we find ourselves in the grip of a love we can only savor, and never truly touch. It’s the type of love that romance novels and movies are based off of. The type that has you on the edge of your seat in anticipation, clinging to a semi-used tissue.

The reality is, this type of love is toxic. The man runs off with another woman who he then commits his life too, but never with the woman who has truly fallen in love him. Never with the woman who keeps him on his toes. Never with the woman who would throw herself in front of a bus for him.

Do you know why that type of love is always doomed? Well, quite frankly it’s because the woman isn’t “agreeable” enough, and the man is too prideful to admit where he went wrong. Yes, we often blame the woman for being too crazy, too emotional, too… Much.

But we all know the truth. She isn’t too much. He’s just too little. It is not her fault for falling in love with a weak man, but yet we often fault her. We gossip between ourselves of how she couldn’t keep her legs closed and that’s how she got him in the first place, or something along those lines. No, it’s never really true.

The truth is, she is not too much. She is not too hard to handle, she is not too complicated to be understood, and she is not too emotionally controlled to be rational. No. Not at all. In fact, I typically see a beautiful, bright, and brilliant woman who allows her brightness to be dimmed by an insecure, insincere man.

Now it isn’t always this case. Sometimes these types of loves are doomed. Sometimes they’re not. Sometimes they get to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after.

Although, in my honest opinion.. they never quite come to completion. Wanted words are never whispered. Promises are intentionally broken. And two hearts un-mendable by each other weep separately. One, or both of the parties, eventually find healthy partners that help pick up their broken pieces and they carry on with their lives. Although, never fully healed. Never truly fulfilled. Always the lingering pain of their unrequited love.

Now darling, it isn’t your fault if you are deemed “too much.” It isn’t your fault if you are “too emotional” or “manic” or “pathetic” or “broken.” No, it isn’t you’re fault at all. What you are at fault for is not valuing yourself enough to realize you deserve someone better. Someone healthier, someone braver. Someone brave enough to sail your seas of passion, love, and heartache. You deserve someone honest, sincere, and passionate, but not passionate in the way you think. Not passionate in the “I will throw myself in front of a bus for you,” but the kind of passionate that cleans the dishes for you every day when you are unwell, and reminds you to wear your seatbelt. The kind of passion that brings you comfort, peace, and safety. Not the kind of passion that leaves you in unyielding suspense.

You know why? Because that isn’t love, darling. That’s pain.

And you don’t deserve pain, now do you? No you don’t. You deserve love, appreciation, and respect.

Many moons ago I realized that I was still clinging on to this passionate, obsessive, painful kind of love. I was still holding on to it while another man loved me, and vowed to take care of me. It was as if I was holding the dagger in my own heart, bleeding everywhere. It took years before I realized that the love I felt, and the love I endured was actually abuse. So don’t throw yourself in front of a bus for that man, woman, or whatever it is they identify themselves as. Instead, chose the love that brings you peace. The kind that stills your excessively beating heart. Fight for that love, darling. Fight for it with all your might.

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