Have you ever sat back and questioned why life seems to just.. fuck you? How there are those moments of “easy, breezy beautiful cover girl” and then those moments of “what the fuck?” Total whitewashed, chump change, what the fuck’s that leave you feeling restless and slightly (or completely) empty. Those moments when you’re searching Google for answers, and mindlessly scrolling through your feed for something or someone to make you feel remotely better.
Well, honey.. that’s okay. Those moments are perfectly fine, in fact. Those moments are a necessary evil. They make us feel breathlessly helpless, like a toddler wallering in their own shit. Although we aren’t toddlers and we are grown ass adults with bills, credit cards, mortgages, and/or rent. We are responsible for the lives of many, yet we feel stuck in this moment of helplessness for ourselves. Isn’t it humiliating? Humbling. Terrifying, strange, and peculiar. It’s an oddity, yet it’s a part of a natural wave of emotions in our modern society. I was stuck in this wave for years.
Then I remembered that life isn’t to punish me. My life isn’t existing for the primary purpose of confusion and suffering. My life exists to simply… Exist! If I am to feel suffering, then I am to feel joy and love. Right? Right. It’s only logical. Joy doesn’t ways come every day, and it most certainly isn’t in every moment, but those moments do exist. Those moments do come when I find a twenty dollar bill as my checking account rounds to a terrifying low of $0.87, and when I reach the pharmacy counter to find out my medications have been paid outright. Then there are those moments when my emotions come raging in, and I can’t handle the mental stress. Those moments when the only thing holding back my tears is something silly, yet profound a coworker said to me earlier in the day. Life isn’t meant to be lived alone, and not every suffering lasts forever.
I can’t even begin to count all of those moments that have occured in my life, or all of the times I felt as if my life was falling apart. The one thing I can say is that there has always been a hand pulling me out of my wallering pit of shit. Whether that was a loved one, a friend, or a stranger, that hand has always been there, and it will always be there in the end. There are those who think life is to suffer, and then there are those, like myself, who believe that the suffering carves the path for greatness, gratitude, and joy to fill.
I don’t know how you are doing today, or where you are in life. I don’t even know your name, or what you look like. I don’t know who your grandmother is or how your parents treated you. I don’t know your favorite color, or the comfort meal that always brings you back home. You know what I do know? That this too shall pass. That your suffering will end, one way or another. Some are blessed enough to watch their sufferings come and go, while others are only granted death as a reprieve. I hope that I am not the latter in that statement, and I hope you aren’t as well. I hope your day brings you the hand of kindness from whatever channel you will hear. I hope that the rainbow at the end of the rain gets to shine brightly over you. And I especially hope that you find peace with your own suffering.
Not everything happens for a reason, and sometimes the pain truly is senseless. We don’t have to justify the reasons of our miseries. All we have to do is look to the other side and know that this too shall pass. That one day you will wake up feeling refreshed instead of fatigued, and your sorrow will be momentarily forgotten, even if it’s just for a second.